The Before shot

I have been a naughty, naughty poster. I promise to make up for it with a fascinating post about my recent adventures in triathlon.

May 16th does that sound like a good time of year to go swimming in a lake, in CANADA? Well whether it is rational or not early in the morning on that chilly spring day I embarked upon my very first Olympic distance triathlon. The event is the Wine Capital of Canada Triathlon which is an Olympic distance triathlon, 1500 m open water lake swim, 40 km bike ride, 10 km run.

I need to give myself a bit of a break as I go on to describe the ensuing trauma created by the swim, since I had never really worn a wetsuit, only practiced open water swimming once this year and the water was frigid. I experienced things in the swim I totally had not predicted and never thought would happen to me. I had at least 3 severe panic attacks. To me a panic attack involves rapid breathing, rapid heart rate and a feeling of impending doom. Check, check ,check. I wasn’t sure what was bothering me the most, the restrictive feeling of the brand new wetsuit, the cold water, the mob of people at the the mass start, or perhaps all of the above.

This experience was defining moment of mind over matter for me. I essentially floated on my back, breast-stroked, floundered and did the occasional back stroke. There were moments of bargaining when I was asking a higher power to let me go through labour and delivery with twins again rather than continue on with this madness. I considered stripping off my wetsuit, throwing it at the kayaker and trying to continue on, I was sure death from hypothermia would have been better than finishing this swim.

But… I did carry on. Pretty much the only thing that kept me going was the fact that my family and friends were there at the crack of dawn to cheer me on, and I am a very stubborn person who does’t like to disappoint people. As I rounded the turnaround bouy the Race Director Joe grabbed my hand and encouraged me on. Okay I can do this, back in the water I go. The second lap was pretty tough but somehow a bit better than the first. I do take a while to warm up as I have mentioned before.

Encouragement from Race Director Joe

As I finished the swim, not last, I don’t know how that was possible. Some poor souls dropped out due to the cold and panic attacks. I am glad I didn’t really know of the prevalence of panic attacks before I signed up for an early season race.

What are my feelings about this first race in the open water?

A lot to learn, to improve on, a lot of time to shed. I will get back on the horse that bucked me, because it didn’t kill me, I am stronger.

Stay tuned for the Bike portion of the race report.

family, fitness, goals, swimming, triathlon blogging, fitness, goals, swimming, triathlon

Hi there in webland, if anyone is still reading…. I have been neglecting the blogging lately. One of the reason is my site no longer has the stats on it so I am not addicted to see how many people are reading (talk about ego).
I have also been very busy with triathlon training, writing a nursing paper and general family life.
I have a few goodish ideas for posts so stay tuned.

Uncategorized blogging, fitness

I found a neat program online called Weight Mirror.  I usually try not to get hung up on thinking about what I might look like but I couldn’t resist. You upload a before photo, preferably a full length with a neutral background. I usually do not have very good luck with these types of things but this was really easy and satisfying.

Here is a before and hopeful after. Before is about 190 ish and the after is about 160 ish. Inspiring.

beauty, fitness, goals, weight loss blogging, body image, diet, fitness, goals, weight loss

I am trying a new product called U-turn from uweightloss. This is the clinic I have been going to for the past year and a bit. I have had great success with the program. Food  logging, coaching, healthy homemade meal plans, natropathic supplements, step counting. Alas I have hit a plateau. I am trying U-turn and I think it will work, it involves a very filling supplement smoothie for snacks several times per day, three higher protein meals, and  a detox supplement.

I have adjusted my goal weight to be 168 which will give me 80 lbs lost, you can do the math to figure out my highest weight I think that will also help me mentally. My original goal was 160 which I think that I will eventually reach, especially if I keep up with the triathlon training. But for now 80 lbs gone will be a great achievement. Then I can get my tattoo, I have only been blabbing about it for 6 months or so. I think I might get three small stars on my left inner wrist and 5 stars on my right foot. That will be a star for each 10 lb lost and the three stars can represent my hubby and my two girls as well, reminding me to be a good example for them.

goals, nutrition, triathlon, weight loss, weight loss rewards blogging, diet, family, meal plans, nutrition, star tattoos, tattoo, weight loss, weight loss rewards

WHY NOT BE HAPPY

I have been close to my weight loss goal for months now. It has gotten really hard to lose weight and keep it off at this point. I exercise 3-5 times per week and for the most part follow my eating plan. But it is not budging or only does when I am really really strict.

Should I just decide to be happy and keep up with the exercise and see what happens. Being concerned about the numbers is kind of dragging me down. I am a very competitive person who does not like to cheat. So I have set a goal and I want to complete it. Is the goal dragging me down though. When I weigh myself it can either make or break my day and that is a bad thing. I should just BE HAPPY.

Where do i go from here. Right now the dogs are prancing around the house,chewing slippers, and barking at Jehovah`s Witnesses walking down the street. They need to go for walkies, I need to go for walkies.

goals, ponderings, weight loss blogging, body image, fitness, nutrition, weight loss

I finally did it! I went to a Masters swim session last night. We were running a bit late so we were going to just do our own thing and swim laps, then we met the lovely coach and decided to well just jump in with both feet.

Before I started thinking about triathlon I would have counted swimming as the least of my worries behind running and cycling with clip in shoes. Hmmmm…. swimming is going to be my biggest challenge. Considering that I breast stroked my entire swim portion of my  Sprint Triathlon. The lake was very angry that day but people beat me by 10 mins despite the conditions. I really need to work on my form and I think that will greatly improve my speed and ability to go harder and longer…thats what she said (obscure The Office reference).

To further analyze swimming I think there is an innate fear of drowning that makes me panic a bit. I have trouble breathing on my left side so I have to either breath every 2nd or 4th stroke. When I get tired every 4 strokes makes me feel like I am drowning. My goal is to learn how to breath every 3rd stroke, that would make life so much easier.

When I started running I felt like the odd man out with no stamina or technique, but now I can run a sub 30 min 5k. Therefore the swimming can only get better. I think I will visualize a strong, elegant stroke, breathing every 3rd stroke, having enough air to swim as long as I need to.

Here is to adding the final element.

fitness, running, swimming, triathlon blogging, fitness, triathlon, weight loss

I can not believe that I have not posted in more than a month! I do not have a perfectly crafted post though I do have a whole bunch of ideas. I thought I should at least put something out there to crack the crust on my writing.

So Happy New Year. Let`s make it the best one yet!

Uncategorized blogging, weight loss

I had considered just sitting down and writing out my feelings in a journal but then I thought there might be a helpful blog post in the middle of all of my angsting.

Last week I was 177 lbs and hanging on by my fingernails and then a series of unfortunate events happened and I went on a bit of a bender. I will lay them out for you and myself so I might learn, forgive and move on.

Too much work: I worked my normal amount of shifts plus a couple of early morning short shifts and I switched a couple so the compliment of days made it seem like I was constantly at work. I even scheduled myself so that I worked until 11 pm one night and then had to be at work the next morning at 6 am. Not recommended. I only had to work for three hours that morning mind you, but I am really starting to accept that fatigue is a huge influence in my weight loss/gain.

Giving in to temptation: At work while I was tired I decide it wouldn’t be so bad if I had a cranberry bliss  bar, well that set off a cascade of poor eating choices. It is almost like I have tunnel vision and I can only see the object of my desire and I will not rest until it is consumed therefore it can not longer be mocking me, tempting me. I need to accept that I do have a problem with moderation. If I start with a single treat I usually can not stop I end up spiraling downward. I know so dramatic but it is true. Most likely similar to all other addictions, craving the immediate rush from the object of your affection, be it alcohol, gambling, or food.

The flu shots: I know this might sound like a cop-out but I seriously felt awful after the shots. For the first two days it was just sore arms and a bit of a headache.  As time went on I developed chest pain and a racing heart, very sore joints, fatigue. The heart rate was most disturbing, I could actually feel my pulse bounding through my whole body and it was giving me a horrible anxious feeling. To be fair to the flu shots, Mark was feeling similarly and he didn’t have the flu shots so perhaps we both had a different flu going through us.

Halloween candy: For the first 3 days I didn’t touch the stuff. Then I started feeling really tired (see first excuse) and needed a bit of a pick me up. So I had a couple and then you know what happened (see excuse # 2). Moderation is not really something I am good at. Kind of an all or nothing kind of girl. Working on it.

Gloomy weather: I find that I am very affected by the grey sky, it intensifies my poor mood, makes me more tired, I tend to seek out simple carbs to elevate my mood.

Lack of quality sleep: With all of the strange shift work and my innate desire to stay up late (it is my time for me) I believe that I have not been getting a enough quality sleep and that is throwing off my hormone level and surely causing me to crave things that elevate my alertness and mood.

Indecision: I have a few ideas that I am working on in my mind and some I have control over and some I do not. I find went I am unable to control a situation I seek out something to control and that is usually food. I can quickly choose something, prepare it and then eat it. Oh and it has the side effect of temporarily elevating my mood with the simple carb content. Then there will be the inevitable crash and subsequent need for more simple carb fuel,sending me in to a tailspin.

Lack of success this past 8 weeks: I set a lofty goal of being finished my weight loss by Nov 9th. I was fairly doable but I have found it so hard to budge these last 17 or so lbs. I feel like I may have wasted the money I put in to the last 8 weeks, and with that comes guilt…Guilt breeds self-destruction. Enter bender.

What can I do starting today

1. Control my work life a bit better. This is tough because I am always seeking a new challenge and I have never had trouble finding work. Balance needs to be attained.
2. Realize my limits when it comes to treats. I really can not have just one.
3. Not much to do about the flu shot/ mystery flu, but to accept that I was not feeling well and that it was okay to rest and get better. This feeling will not persist
4. Put the Halloween candy out of eyesight. Done…put in sealed containers in the pantry. Out of sight out of mouth.
5. Can’t control the weather but it is sunny right now and I will take advantage of it and take the doggies for a big walk.
6. Sleep… I have been better the last couple of days, I refrained from too much TV last night and chose to go to bed at a decent time and read for a few minutes.
7. Re: Decisions, If I have learned anything in my lifetime is that I should not rush in to decisions that I am not totally convinced of. Leaky condo is big reminder of not rushing in to buying something if you are not sure. That being said sometimes risky decisions are the ones that pay off the most. This topic still needs some work.
8. Re:Failure/Lack of success and wasted money. Let it go and move on. This is something I often tel my kids. Let it go and move on. If I let the guilt and anxiety about wasted money weigh me down the whole process could become invalid. MOVE ON.

I am going to go to my meeting at the U weight loss clinic (I have been avoiding their calls) and make a plan for how they can help me succeed.

XOXO

Betty

fitness, nutrition, ponderings, weight loss blogging, body image, diet, Mental health, sleep, weight loss

My future is so bright...

I have a tonne of ideas swirling around in my head right now. All good things. As my last post indicates I need to find some focus. I do tend to overwhelm myself with projects, jobs, and new ideas. I don’t like to miss out on things and I think that can be to my detriment sometimes and to my advantage as well.

Some people might think I am crazy to have a family, full-time job, 2 casual jobs, write a blog, losing weight, trying to be a bit of an athlete, and an affectionate wife (no snickering Mark). I do have a natural tendency towards the lazy so I suppose I tend to over do it a bit in an attempt to override that tendency.

I am reading Jillian Michaels’ Master your Metabolism book right now (thanks Andrea)  and it really jives with the learning and supplements at U weight loss.I really ought to start getting a commission from Jillian, at least 4 or 5 people I know have bought her video now. Oh well good for her she must be putting out the right vibes to generate such wonderful success. Once I am finished losing the weight forever, I truly believe that I will have a better understanding of my body and how to better maintain it at a healthy weight.

I have found that when the time is right things just fall in to place for me. When I push things too hard and try to force outcomes, I always fall flat and end up seriously disappointed. I am struggling with the fact that I really want to get a website up and running that incorporates all of the things I talk about in the blog and a few more as well. It seems like a big undertaking but I believe that it is my calling and I am meant to provide a service to others trying to find their way to health and happiness. So I am putting it out there universe, let me know when the time is right and send a web designer to my door step.

Read more…

family, fitness, nutrition, ponderings, weight loss blogging, body image, health, Mental health, triathlon, weight loss

Me with my beautiful girls on their 11th birthday

I am closing in on  my weigh loss goal and I am finding myself swinging between being totally on plan, focused and being chaotic and bingey. I think that I have reconciled with the fact that I will be exercising frequently,with intensity for the rest of my life. Exercise is not just for weight loss it is for creating and maintaining a healthy body. There I said it. I used to often wonder why “skinny people” were wasting their time in the gym. Hmm they want a healthy body.

I found myself in to the 170′s (barely but I was there) and then the weekend happened and then a week of 12 hour shifts slammed me in the face. The key to my success is preparedness. Easy enough said….I would love to make a weekly plan and then just stick to it, but alas my schedule is different every week and then there are kids, activities, weather changes, sick family members,commitments , extra work…. The planning and scheduling needs to be a consistent effort.  Some times I just want to stomp my feet and pout, but alas I must go on.

Goals for the week:

Exercise daily, 15 min walk upon waking and then 45-60 min at the or running or cycling.

Have meals planned and food purchased

Family doing their part

Setting boundaries re: extra work

I am going to set the timer for 20 min for house cleaning then off to the gym then eat lunch, then rest before the kids get home., then food shop, make dinner, then go to work for 12 hour night shift.

family, fitness, nutrition, organizing, ponderings, weight loss blogging, diet, meal plans, nutrition, organizing, weight loss